Im at strip club and am horny
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
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