Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
