I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
