I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
