who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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