Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize