weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
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