I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize