You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
