I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
