so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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