i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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