so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
