This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
