They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize