you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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