First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
