I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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