I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
