so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
