Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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