I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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