and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Found the puke drawer
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
