Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
