hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
