He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
