I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
