I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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