Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
