Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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