My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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