I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize