so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize