I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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