brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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