Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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