I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Randomize