hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
