Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Is Oprah even human
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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