the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
They have beer where we have blood.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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