2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
