I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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