just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
