she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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