Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
