The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize