he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize