I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
