where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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