I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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