I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
