Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
