I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
