Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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