im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize