I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
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