Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
