I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
