it wasn't lemon gatorade
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
