Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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