is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
