Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
