a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
