sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Randomize
