In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
organizing the empties. That sober.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize