Umm I'm too high to move.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
