I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
