It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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