I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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