Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
