it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
