just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Bring me that man meat
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
