She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Randomize