remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
