sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
