I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Your cock deserves a montage
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
