We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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