i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
