do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
