She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
