Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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