Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
