i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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