Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
