If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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