"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
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