Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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