If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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